don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize