they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
