East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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