I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
