"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
