The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
A bitchslap is in order.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
