grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
