I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
