Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
