the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i think i have two assholes
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
