Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
