everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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