Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
