She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
