Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
