Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize