the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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