that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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