Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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