You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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