i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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