My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
