Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
