oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
