I want to stick my p in your. b.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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