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we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
