If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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