Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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