so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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