lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize