That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
