We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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