Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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