Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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