guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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