I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
