youre lurking in front of me
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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