So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
