Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize