Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
