Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
