Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
