I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
