as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
