No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
