So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
