i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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