Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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