All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
