I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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