Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
