I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
