I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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