he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
