good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think people are normalizing furries
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
