we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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