This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
