I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
