oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
