if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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