I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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