She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
