im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
