Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
