xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
