Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
