good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I forget how to act sober
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
