let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
