I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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