you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
