What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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